


There and Back Again

by JanaRumpandRCJawnn (JanaRumpandRCJawwn)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:30:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanaRumpandRCJawwn/pseuds/JanaRumpandRCJawnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A journey in ten years, two acts and too much denial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There and Back Again

**Author's Note:**

> Warning/spoilers: there is cheating involved, but happy ending yey!

5.

It was a very cold afternoon. 

Mattsun stood there with his beanie and several bottles of cheap wine and vodka in his backpack. There wasn’t a lot of preparation he need to do, but he did get some gummy bears along with the alcohol. He had texted Makki a photo of the bottles before leaving home, and his friend had laughed, then told him to get there before the episode started or else he would leave him locked outside. Mattsun had indeed rushed, now climbing the stairs to Makki’s third floor dorm room. He went there a lot so he didn’t actually have any problem sneaking in - even if he probably shouldn’t do that. There were a few people in the hallways that nodded to him with smirks. Some of them he knew, Makki’s friends. 

He knocked twice at the door and soon enough Makki’s face peaked out, pink hair and lip and nose piercings distinctive as always. He looked Mattsun up and down, a grin on his lips. 

“Took you long enough."

Mattsun smirked and stepped closer, getting inside the room. It was warmer there, so he kicked off his sneakers and took off his coat and scarf. Makki went straight to the bed, in his gym shorts that showed off his tattooed legs and wool sweater with stripes that certainly didn't match one another or the weather outside. 

“I brought vodka, cheap wine and gummy bears. Wanna start?” He pulled the bottles out of his backpack, and threw the plastic bag at Makki. 

“We'll do shots during the show, but we can always start early."

And they did. They started with the cheap wine, talking about random things while sitting on bed together. He wasn’t that strong when it came to alcohol, so soon enough, even before the show stared, they were giggling and poking at each other. His friend set his laptop on the bed, and they laid side by side. 

It wasn’t even that much of a good show, but they had unfortunately sold their souls to it two seasons past. They did down shots in their usual drinking game, and it wasn’t even a surprise as by the end, between eaten gummy bears and things Makki had hidden on his room, they were completely smashed. Issei was half laid on top of his friend, watching as they sent comments to Oikawa and Iwaizumi through skype. His friend’s warmth was certainly nice, so he rested his face against Makki’s shoulder while looking at Tooru's spamming - he had more than his fair share of complaints about the episode as well.

“Why is he so spoiled?”

“Because it's Shittykawa.” Makki replied with a smirk. “Well, a least we managed to annoy him enough so he would stop complaining.”

“He did stop talking, yeah."

They laughed together for no clear reason, and after a few moments Makki scooched over, turning to face him, the position suddenly so much more intimate. It made Mattsun a bit uncomfortable, even with his friend’s smile, so he hid his face on the crook of Makki's neck. Their bodies were pressed together, and damn, he was drunk as hell. They had this thing they did when they were drunk, kissing and once or twice Makki had blown him, just for fun, so maybe this was one of these times. His leg was between Makki’s, and suddenly his friend was whispering by his ear.

“Mattsun, wanna do the chill part of Netflix and Chill?”

And Mattsun muttered back against his skin. 

“You wanna fuck, Makki?” 

It was kinda thrilling, this deal they had, and he was too drunk to even consider saying no. 

“Do _you_ wanna fuck?”

They could go around like this for hours, the two of them being little shits, but right now Mattsun wasn't that patient. It shouldn’t be that different from fucking a girl, anyway. He had fucked girls before.

“I want to fuck you.” His voice was slurred, and so low that it made Makki shudder a bit.

They kissed then, Makki excited enough to make it intense. He probably wasn't getting laid that much if he was so desperate. Mattsun palmed at the naked thighs pressed to his, too muscular, but still suitably smooth to touch. Soon enough they were hard, and Makki retreated a couple inches, parting their lips. 

“Unless you wanna come in your pants we should probably take off our clothes.” 

Makki got rid of his, revealing newly acquired nipple piercings, and Mattsun went along, laying back on the bed in no time. His friend looked through some drawers before grabbing a condom, and Issei closed his eyes, sitting up the bed to rest his back against the wall. He almost yelped with surprise when he felt the warmth of Makki’s mouth on his cock, the latex of a condom right along. 

“Holy shit, Makki.” 

His friend deeptroathed him, which was just so fucking good, then Makki moved back and looked at him with a smirk. 

“Gonna come so soon?” 

“Don’t be such a tease.” 

“You’re lucky I prepped myself a bit earlier.” The other shot back, before moving away and taking some lube, slicking his fingers and moving back to prep himself. Then he lubed the condom, and Mattsun shook a bit at the cold sensation dripping down his skin.

He felt the movement and the weight of Makki’s body on his hips, watched as his friend lowered himself on his cock. It was fascinating the way he just took it all, the pressure on his dick, the friction as he other rode him. Issei closed his eyes again, tipping his head back. This warmth and friction weren’t any different of a girl, so he moved his hips up to meet Makki’s. He moaned a bit, perhaps a lot. 'Cause, damn, it felt good, so fucking good. Makki was moaning loudly himself, hands on Mattsun's chest for support. They were apparently making enough noise for the guy next door to bang on the wall and tell them to shut up.

That startled him out of him stupor, his eyes flashing open. He was close, so close, they couldn’t stop now. 

Issei was surprised by a sight he wasn’t quite expecting, though. Makki’s face, mouth open as he moaned - and fuck his moans were so filthy - his nose scrunched up and his eyes almost shut, not sexy but so endearing. Mattsun grabbed at his ass in an impulse, mouthed at one of his nipples. Those weren't sexy either, just interesting enough to get his drunk attention. It was the pierced one, which was quite a new experience. It made Makki call out his name, gasp it.

“Can you come without anyone touching you?”

Makki nodded among his moans and they picked up their pace. Until it was just too fucking much, and Mattsun came first, biting into Makki’s shoulder as he did. The other came not too long after. Mattsun let go of his friend, and for a moment they just panted together before Makki got up to grab some wet tissues and wipe them clean. Mattsun was getting sleepy from the alcohol and the exertion, so he threw the condom off and laid on the bed, eyes almost closed, head aching.

“I’m so fucking tired.” He muttered, half watching as Makki went through their clothes and threw Issei his underwear. 

“Put some clothes on before you pass out, or you'll wake up with a cold.” 

He put on his green boxers and pulled the covers up to warm himself. Eventually Makki turned off the light and laid next to him, and Issei was practically asleep but he could feel the warm presence so close. It was a bit weird having him this close after sex, but it was not the first time they shared a bed and it was not like there was anywhere else they could go right now. It didn’t mean anything. Somehow he felt uneasy, but he decided that was a problem for when he actually had some hours of sleep behind him instead of a hazy mind.

\--

 

“Hey, Makki. I think we are getting to our station.” Konoha called, shaking his shoulder.

Makki focused on his boyfriend before turning to look out of the window at a familiar landscape. They were definitely getting close to Miyagi, just in time to get to the meeting. Oikawa had been a pain in the ass the last few days, insisting he come. Takahiro lived in Tokyo, which usually meant he went to places _with_ Oikawa. This time though the other had gone earlier in the day, probably to spend some hours with Iwaizumi alone. 

“Yeah, we are. Excited to meet the place where I grew up?”

“Sort of. I was never big on the countryside.”

He turned to look at Konoha, who was smirking. 

“It will be interesting to know about your past. Back when your hair wasn’t so pink.”

“And I wasn’t so motherfucking gay?”

”Well, not motherfucking, perhaps fatherfucking?” 

They both laughed and Makki rolled his eyes, pushing his boyfriend’s shoulder before leaning in and giving him a peck on the lips. 

“That image you have of me, it's a bit creepy, you know.”

It was Konoha’s time to roll his eyes. 

Makki wouldn’t say he wasn’t slightly excited to take his boyfriend to meet his highschool friends. He knew it probably should be more stressful, but he'd been out of the closet for over ten years now, and he would take his boyfriend along if he wanted. Besides, they weren’t having that much time together lately, Konoha in a big project and Takahiro with like two thousand illustrations he had to finish. This was literally the first time in two weeks they'd had some time together. 

The train came to a stop in short minutes, and they headed to a small restaurant near where Seijou was. It felt so different to walk through those streets after so many years. Some people he recognized, shopkeepers that had been there since forever and probably would still be there for an even longer time. He saw the nasty looks at those two men holding hands down the street, but no one said a word. Makki had to bite his own cheek to resist acting even gayer, this was not the solution right now. 

He could hear the cheering from outside the establishment, loud voices that were weirdly familiar, and Takahiro’s heart warmed a bit. Even if he wasn’t that close to everyone in the team, and even if a lot of time had passed since they had all been together, the best years of his youth had been spent with those guys. They entered and took off their shoes, and the woman that owned the place gave him a look - Makki didn’t suppose she was that used to a man with piercings, pink hair and skin tight light blue jeans. 

“We're with the group.”

She nodded, but still watched with narrowed eyes as they walked to the corner where everyone was gathered. Watari was the first to see them approaching - man, the libero hadn’t changed that much in all those years - and to wave with a big smile.

“Hanamaki! You came!”

“Well, I do that quite often.” 

The younger man blushed fiercely, but still had a smile on his lips. Takahiro stood at the end of the table for a few seconds, both trying to find a place they could sit and just seeing how his teammates had changed. Kindaichi’s hair was shorter and not so much turnip-like (thank the gods) and he now had a goatee. Kunimi still looked the same, and Yahaba too - though his hair was also shorter. Iwaizumi and Oikawa he still saw every once in a while, so he didn’t even look at them. There was someone, though, that gave Takahiro pause. He had changed a lot since the last time they had seen each other, but he would recognize those eyes anywhere. Matsukawa had shorter hair now, along with a scruff covering his jaw and glasses perched on his nose. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Makki turned to face everyone else with a smirk.

“I hope you guys don’t mind, but Shittykawa said I could bring my boyfriend, so I did.”

He did a quick introduction of everyone to Konoha - making sure to tell he used to play volleyball too (and that seemed to do the trick for most of them). They then sat between Kunimi and Iwazumi, relatively far from Matsukawa - damn, Makki still couldn’t even look at him it seemed, anger inside him that he'd thought was long gone.

They asked for beers, and started drinking with everyone. It was really good to hear from all of them after so many years. Watari had a kid, Kindaichi was getting married in a few months, Yahaba had a good job in a hospital, all of them in nice clothes and with perfect jobs and a good life. They were very interested in Makki’s art, which was always good to talk about. He drank a lot, but even like this he couldn’t help but to notice Matsukawa hadn’t downed even a little bit of alcohol. 

The night was long but so much fun, and by the time everyone agreed to head home it was long past the last train. Konoha had tried to convince him to go before it came to that, but Makki was in that moment challenging Iwa to an arm wrestle. He probably should have listened. 

Now they were standing outside the restaurant, Kunimi and Kindaichi by their side helping each other stay up on their feet. 

“So, how do you two plan on going back home?” Oikawa asked, arm thrown over Iwa. “I’m staying at Iwa-chan’s place, so I can’t help you guys.”

Konoha shot Makki an annoyed look and all he could do was sigh. He had pissed off his boyfriend and now they had no way of going back home, and the morning they had work to do, so he had fucked up a bit. Takahiro sighed, scratching at his hair in lack of what to do. 

“I could give you guys a ride, I live in Tokyo too.” 

Issei’s voice broke the uncomfortable silence, and Makki looked at him just to arch an eyebrow. He wasn’t exactly happy that this was probably their only option. Konoha sighed at him and turned to Matsukawa. 

“We would really appreciate a ride.”

Makki wanted to say no, and perhaps argue with Konoha about it, but there wasn’t much he could do unless he explained some things he really didn't want to. Akinori only knew a bit of the story. Takahiro couldn’t exactly blame him, but damn was he frustrated right now. He nodded and said his goodbyes, everyone around forming groups as well to safely go home. 

They walked together towards Matsukawa’s car, which was not too big or too fancy but still irked him somehow. It was late and he was too responsible to just leave Matsukawa to drive alone, lest he fall asleep on the wheel or something and they all get killed. As much as he didn’t want to talk to him, Konoha was almost passing out already with his head on Makki’s shoulder. 

“You can sleep on the back seat, I’ll keep Matsukawa company until we get to Tokyo.”

“Thanks, babe.” They kissed briefly before the blond got into the back seat, promptly laying down. 

“Thank you, Makki. I don't mind driving alone, though, if you wanna sleep.”

He stared at the other, and again arched an eyebrow. Just hearing the nickname from him made Makki uncomfortable. He had heard that name whispered and moaned to him, it had made him so happy so many times, but now it only made him bitter. 

”I’m fine.”

They got into the car, and for a long time steeped in uncomfortable silence. They had nothing in common anymore, complete strangers even. Makki rested his forehead against the window, looking at the landscape, and they spent a good half hour with just the radio playing some stupid song, until Mattsun himself tried to break the ice. 

“You two look happy. Have you been together for long?”

Makki looked back at him, considering the option of being a jerk, but the guy was giving them a ride and he was not that much of an ass.

“Long enough.”

More silence then, now with Matsukawa looking at him. Takahiro could almost hear his mother telling him to be nice to other kids. 

“So, you live in Tokyo. I always thought you would go back to Miyagi.” 

“Yeah. I ended up marrying, so I never moved back.” 

Makki glanced at him, looking for a wedding ring, but there wasn’t one. He shouldn’t be that surprised that Matsukawa ended up married to someone, anyway. He was just that kind of guy. Makki just sort of hoped it wasn’t the same girl from back then, that would leave a fucking bitter taste in his mouth. 

“Married? How long?” He asked, but his voice sounded completely disinterested. 

“We were married for five years, got divorced two years ago.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked like this.” He couldn't be less sorry. Perhaps karma was a thing after all. 

“It’s fine, it was in very friendly terms. She got a position in the french branch of her company.”

“I didn’t ask.” He didn’t want to hear about the other’s fantastically normal and happy life. He _had_ moved on, but some things are not just forgotten. 

Silence fell over them once more, and Makki crossed his arms over his chest. They didn’t speak for the rest of the trip. Takahiro dozed off a bit eventually, and when he came to Konoha was awake and indicating the path to his apartment. The sun was already up and he watched the city landscape. He really liked it, had sketched it many times in different lights. 

Eventually they got to Konoha’s building. His boyfriend thanked Matsukawa, and he did as well, though still tired and grumpy. As he left the car, following the blond, the other called him softly. 

“Hanamaki.”

“What?”

“I hope we can leave the past behind. You were a great friend and I sort of miss hanging out.”

Takahiro had to bite the his tongue to not tell the other to go fuck himself. He didn't say anything to that, just turned on his heels and headed inside. He was too tired for this.

\--  
10.

Ice cream had never tasted so bland in all his life.

And it was the good ice cream too, not the cheap crap he usually bought. Hajime’s family always bought good shit, but it still tasted like nothing. 

His friend had taken the entire carton for them, and Makki would feel guilty for that if he wasn’t feeling so many other things. He'd showed up at the Iwaizumi household out of the blue, completely miserable. His friend had helped Makki to his own room and heard the whole account of what had happened. Hajime had never seemed so pissed. He had cursed and just held Makki through all of it, running his fingers through the short hair. After that they had grabbed said ice cream and laid there, watching dumb comedy movies. He was too down for that to work, though.

Usually, they would keep a bit of distance, but today he had allowed his friend to cuddle him. Makki tried not to think about it, but the bitterness was too recent. He had walked out of that apartment no more than four hours ago. Oikawa had found out about it somehow, it seemed, since he kept trying to text them. They had decided to ignore him, not cause Tooru was a bad person, but because it just wasn’t the moment. 

After a while in silence and spooning ice cream, he blurted out again.

“I don’t get it, Iwa. Like, why did he let it keep going? We were friends, and that meant so little to him that he couldn’t even tell me? Like he knew he was doing something wrong, or he would have just told me about it from the start.” He didn’t sob anymore, but his voice still trembled a bit. He felt so fucking used. 

Hajime pulled Makki closer, fingers scratching Makki’s back absent minded. This whole situation was so shitty, because Mattsun was _one of them_. If it had been some random ass jerk it wouldn’t hurt this much. Behind him he could hear Iwa muttering "that fucking bastard" to himself. 

The most ridiculous part? He just really wanted Mattsun, the cause of all this shit, to come by and say he was sorry. He felt stupid, but couldn't keep himself from grabbing onto this tiny amount of hope.

 

About two weeks later the final blow was delivered, though. 

He logged into his social network - something he hadn’t felt like doing in such a long time - and found it right there waiting for him:

_**Matsukawa Issei is in a serious relationship** _

Makki felt like he had been punched on the face. 

\--

Issei always carried his phone with him. 

He had clients that would call, meetings to be reminded of and other stuff. So when his telephone started buzzing while he was working he took it without thinking, just to check what it was. Only to find Oikawa had created... a group chat? With all of them in there. Maker, this was such a teenager thing to do. 

_OiT: Man, I fucking love pancakes._

_YahabaShigeru: Good for you, Oikawa-senpai. I’m stuck with cafeteria food_

And suddenly there was a bunch of selfies, as if the subject called for them at all. Gods, Issei had forgotten how much Tooru used to be a selfie maniac. It was sort of annoying to be flooded by pictures, dozens of them in less than half an hour, just of him doing random stuff and going to practice. Eventually, Issei got a bit tired of seeing only Tooru’s face along with the damned peace sign. He stood there in his office, stuck his tongue out, and took a selfie with the same ridiculous peace sign, then sent it to the group with a sarcastic _see how cool I am_. 

The thing was, just as his photo had been sent, another one arrived. One of Makki doing basically the same thing. 

It was both ridiculous and adorable. He smiled softly for just a moment, before reading _The meme team is back_ sent by Kindaichi. It came like a rush to the head, how they used to do just that, mock their friends in unison, share the same timing for jokes. Makki didn't write anything in the group for a long time after that, and that made Mattsun very aware of how he'd fucked up back then, as aware as he'd been then while standing alone in the middle of his room, cheek stinging. 

They were never gonna be the meme duo again. 

He shook his head and went back to his work, trying to focus only on it. He had so many projects to concentrate on, too many to idle away in nostalgia. 

Every once in a while he would check on the chat, though. He didn’t have that many friends and being able to reconnect with the few he had from his high school years was a chance he wasn't willing to forgo. 

At some point in the afternoon, Kunimi sent them all a picture he had found amongst his things, of all of them still on the team. It was like a stab in the heart. 

There was his younger self, an arm throw over Makki’s shoulder, both of them laughing overtly at a very annoyed Oikawa who was glaring at them. Iwaizumi stood next to them, arms crossed and barely managing to hide his smile. Kindaichi e Kunimi were by his side, snickering at the scene. Yahaba was trying to hide his smile with his hand, while Kyoutani glared at them and Watari bent over in laughter. 

It had been so long since they were teens, all of them so happy and naive. Makki even still had light brown hair and no piercings, damn, that had been ages ago. Mattsun himself still had his undercut and athlete physique. 

He wondered if he would do things different, given the chance. He should, should have stopped himself from drinking so much, from kissing Makki. No matter how any of that felt at the moment, it hadn't been worth damaging their friendship. Seeing him again had brought up a lot of feelings he'd thought were buried forever. Takahiro looked so good with his tattoos and piercings and still pink hair. He even had a boyfriend now, someone he seemed happy with, and a tiny part of Issei had felt weird at that. Something like jealousy, because he hadn’t realized how much he'd missed his friend. 

Mattsun shook his head. This was completely stupid. 

\--  
2.

_Makki: Mattsun, I’m booored. Wanna go do something? Please?_

He stared at the message and smirked, looking up to the building before replying to his friend.

_Mattsun: I’m here to save you, just escape the class and we can go_

He didn’t have more classes for the day anyway, and spending time with Makki was always great. Mattsun was really glad things hadn’t become awkward after that last party. They were still best friends, that hadn’t changed and hopefully never would. 

Soon enough he saw Takahiro at the main door, wearing something fashionable that was miles beyond Issei’s comprehension - space themed leggings was too much for a simpleton like him. He walked over with a smile and hugged Mattsun. He hugged back, then patted his back a couple of times, because going on too long was just weird. 

“So, what are we doing, my white knight?” Makki teased. 

“I’m not a white knight, I’m a meme knight. And we are going to have some ice cream, and then make some parodies of Oikawa’s pictures.”

“That sounds delightful. Are we going in this amazing chariot of yours?” He said, pointing at the bike Mattsun was sitting on. 

He stuck his tongue out before punching lightly at Makki's shoulder.

”If you have a better idea, or a better car, I’m all ears.” 

“Nah, I’m good.” Makki replied before sitting on the tube of the bike. “So, are you riding me or not?” 

Mattsun rolled his eyes at the innuendo before he started moving the bike, which wasn’t all that comfortable or easy by the way. It took a lot of effort getting them to the ice cream shop about fifteen minutes from college. Makki sang while they were riding, some stupid parodies of currently top ten songs, and Issei sang along while he could, but sometimes it was just too tiring. When they finally arrived to their usual parlor, Makki beamed at him.

“Are we doing the taste everything thing or are we choosing each other's?” 

They hardly had to think about their answer and spoke together. 

“Choosing each other's.” 

They always loved to joke around choosing the weirdest combinations possible. Once they'd had wasabi and yakisoba ice cream, an extreme experience, but here the flavors were more on the average side. They both spent a while considering their options, and all the while the tiny girl that worked there stared at them, obviously flirtatious. Mattsun smiled and winked at her as he asked for the crazy combination Makki would be having - green tea and peanut butter. He got plumm and whisky in return, which damn, Takahiro was a devilish son of a gun. They sat at a corner of the parlor, eating together, both making disgusted faces as they did. It was sort of fun even so, and Makki even declared that the green tea ice cream was actually great. 

“You’re lucky, 'cause I only taste shit.” 

Makki smiled and poked at his cheek. 

“Don’t be such a weakling.”

“Let’s go for the pictures now, much better than this shitty ice cream.” 

Makki took his tablet and opened Oiks' pictures, then started editing them, drawing over them with the pink markers, and sending it all to their skype chat. Only to be met with a very annoyed Oikawa, who claimed they couldn’t just do this to his beautiful image. Obviously it only made them laugh more and answer in stupid selfies, including one with matching disgusted grimaces as he made Makki have a spoon of his horrible ice cream. 

“Damn, I don’t like this either.” 

“No shit, Sherlock.” 

They smiled to each other some more, and for a moment Mattsun though that might be a bit too much for him. All he could think was that this could end with a kiss, they were too close and Takahiro had practically closed his eyes already. He moved back in a split second and focused on the tablet, adding some dumb writing on Tooru’s morning selfie. There was an awkward moment of silence and he could feel Makki fidgeting before resting his chin on Issei’s shoulder. 

“Sorry, dude. Not feeling it right now.” 

“It’s okay.” He scratched at Mattsun’s undercut, smiling still. 

There was such a familiarity in this. It was sweet, even comforting. He leaned back on his chair and ran his fingertips through the pink hair as well. Makki then took out his cellphone and quieted for a while as they looked at memes and showed each other the better ones. Mattsun wanted a drink so much right now, but he just couldn't, it was still the middle of the week. He did turn to Makki then. 

”Do you wanna go to a party this weekend?” 

“Sure. I have to finish some projects before Monday, but I suppose I can find a way.” 

“If it is too troublesome we can wait.”

“Nah, I’m okay. It’s actually something I can do quite easily, I was just procrastinating.”

”I feel you, dude.”

And he smiled, at ease. This was how he wanted things to be for the rest of their lives.

\--

Makki fucking hated mornings. 

He sat up on his bed, trying to figure out why in the name of all that was holy he had just woken up. There was a noise, and he looked around, rubbing at his eyes. It took him a while to notice his phone was ringing, someone was calling him. Who the fuck still did that? He grabbed his cellphone and winced - his boyfriend did, apparently. He answered as fast as he could, because he hadn’t actually seen Konoha in a couple of days. It was only fair that he answered the call, specially since it was like eleven in the morning already. 

“Hey, bae.”

“Hey, Makki. Can I come over?” There was a certain tension in his voice that made Takahiro frown.

“Yeah, I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Great, see you soon.” 

And he hung up, just like that. Takahiro got up from the futton, and started cleaning up the house the best he could. The dozens of dirty clothes laying around were pushed into the laundry basket, all the empty packages of food were shoved to the waste, then he stopped to brew himself some tea while waiting. Konoha showed up about twenty minutes later.

“Hey there.” Takahiro smiled, letting him him. 

“Things are looking actually quite good in here. I thought you would have drowned in trash by now.” There was something teasing in the way he spoke, which made Makki more comfortable.

They sat in front of each other at the counter, Makki pushed a cup of tea to him, and then they stared at each other for a while. There was something odd, though. Something very odd, because Konoha wasn’t really a quiet type. 

“So, what was so important that you had to come this early, Konoha?” He asked, trying not to sound too rude or anything. 

The other looked down at his cup for a while, in silence. This wasn’t boding well. He scratched the back of his head, waiting and waiting and waiting, until his boyfriend looked up, taking a deep breath.

“You remember when we were talking about our high school crushes, you told me about Iwa and Mattsun, and I told you about Bokuto and Haruki.”

“Yep, I do.” He hadn’t told everything about Mattsun, and he never had pried too much into Konoha’s life either, but he did remember. 

“Well, like a month ago I was grabbing something to eat and ended up meeting Haruki there, just by accident. It was nice though, we hadn’t seen each other in like eight years. And we started talking.”

Hanamaki could see where this was going, but he didn't know what to say, so he just took a another sip of his tea. 

“And I realized after a while that talking to him and hanging out... It was really really exciting, and I hadn’t had so much fun in such a long time. And Haruki said he wanted to have a date and that he always thought we could be good together. And damn, I like you a lot and I hate to do this with you, fuck, you are sweet and you have been such a great boyfriend. I don’t wanna cheat on you, so before something terrible happens, I think we should end this. 'Cause I don’t wanna waste both of our time.”

The whole speech gave Makki pause, and he put his cup down taking a deep breath. Obviously this would happen, it was just his fucking luck. He rested his forehead on the table, just breathing for a couple moments. 

The worst part was that, fuck, he was such a good guy - he was, he actually was - that he wasn’t mad that Konoha had done this. The guy was a great person, and he deserved to be happy. 

“I’m happy for you, but I really need some time alone right now.”

“I get it. I still wanna be your friend, though.” 

Makki felt fingers running through his hair for a moment before Konoha got up and went back out the door. He felt so stupid and young. How many times had him been dumped now? How many times had he sat on this same counter after getting dumped because apparently he was great in bed and a great friend, but just not someone for the long run. There was always someone better. 

Maker, he was such a pathetic figure.

He needed to drink and drown in self pity. 

Yeah, that sounded like a really adult thing to do. 

\--  
1.

There was a party tonight, or at least that’s what Iwa had told them.

It wasn’t that often that Iwa would get them passes for a party - yes he was a great guy, and not having Oikawa around him made him a fucking popular one to boot. Everyone invited him to do things, from parties to dates. Mattsun was sort of surprised Hajime hadn’t managed to get a girlfriend yet. 

When Mattsun got there, Makki and Iwaizumi still standing on the sidewalk, both looking slightly impatient. 

“Hey there, everyone.” Issei said, waving to them.

“Hey, Matsukawa, you wouldn’t for some miracle of humanity have seen Shittykawa anywhere, would you?”

“Nah, but he isn’t theoretically late yet.”

Hajime gave him his mildly-annoyed-and-disbelieving look. 

“He is always twenty minutes early to everything and you know it.”

Sometimes the obvious crush and necessity to worry about Tooru that Iwaizumi had were a bit uncomfortable. And this was one of those cases, Makki suggested they waited like ten minutes before doing anything. And they did it, hanging around there - they may have had a few sips of whatever Iwa had brought to the party and talked about if there would be cute girls for Issei and some handsome dudes for Makki. Mostly as a joke - they were single and that didn’t actually bother them that much - but their friend did set up some expectation. 

About twelve minutes of waiting on the street later, a text from Tooru arrived. A simple - _Sorry, got caught up with practice, feeling like shit. I’ll make it up to you._ \- that obviously made Hajime fucking pissed. Not that he said a word, but he did grab the bottle and downed one third of what was left at once. Issei turned to Takahiro and they smirked to each other, before downing the rest between themselves. 

The apartment was fucking nice. Not Miyagi nice - which was nice, but still country side - just full on Tokyo rich son of a gun nice. They went in and the place was crowded. He couldn’t see any familiar faces, but he'd really doubted he would anyway. Soon enough someone had taken Iwa aside to flirt wherever, which was great for him, considering he'd been looking as sour as a lemon. 

“Hey, Issei?” Hanamaki called, tugging at his arm. “Are those drinking games with cute girls?”

He looked over and smiled.

“Yes, they are, Hiro. I owe you one.”

“Nah. I’d rather you started your flirt with a History of Japan line.”

He arched an eyebrow staring at his friend. They did this sort of thing sometimes, put challenges on each other’s love interests, but this one had come out of fucking nowhere. The other seemed to guess what was going on in his mind, because he just threw his hands up in mock surrender.

“Well, if you can’t do it...”

He did it. Issei walked over with a smile, Makki right behind him with a cup of something alcoholic in hand. The girl smiled looking at Matsukawa, probably already getting the idea that he would flirt with her. 

“Hey there, may I ask you name?”

She replied with a smile, and before she could say anything else he cut back in. 

“Can I maybe call you something else?” He felt Makki staring at him, and the girl just looked confused.

“Like what?” Oh my, she didn’t know where she was headed.

“How about sunrise land?” 

The girl rolled her eyes and promptly walked away with her friend. Behind Issei, Takahiro was laughing his guts out. Matsukawa couldn’t even be mad, cause hell, it was funny, and if a girl had said that to him he would have definitely gave her the biggest chance. His friend threw his arm over Mattsun’s shoulder and handed him the cup.

“Well, let’s drink then.” 

And they did, oh how they did. They downed a surprising amount of bottles just between them. People were nice and they laughed so much. Issei was completely smashed by the time someone dared Takahiro to be the body shot offering for the moment. It was hilarious when Makki climbed on the table, then took out his shirt and laid there amongst wolf whistles. Matsukawa rolled his eyes and went to the counter to grab something to drink, because seeing a bunch of strangers licking his friend’s chest was just fucking weird. He stood in the crowded room as some guys and like four girls lined up, which didn’t see the appeal of, but his friend obviously didn’t share is opinion. One of the guys approached and decided he was having a tequila. He put salt on Takahiro’s nipples and with one lick actually made Issei’s friend moan really loud. Everyone cheered, but all Matsukawa managed to do was look away just as he caught a glimpse of a pale back arching. 

Eventually it was over, which was great because there was no way he could handle watching his best friend like that. TMI and all. 

Issei dropped on the couch, an empty cup in one hand. It was pretty late now, and Iwa had vanished with someone to a room - well, at least one of them was getting some action. It didn’t take long for Hanamaki to drop next to him.

“This party is fucking crazy.” He declared before chuckling.

“It would be better if I had kissed someone.” Makki whined, drunk and pouting a bit.

“I haven’t either, and my only chance was ruined 'cause people don’t get pretty good memes. It’s your fault, anyway.” 

He poked at Makki for good measure, though his aim was kinda off. They stared at each for a couple of seconds then, until his friend sat up and looked into his eyes. Before he could make a judgment of the situation, Makki's lips were on his. It was weird and he definitely wasn’t expecting that, though his thoughts were too muddled to expect anything really. Makki’s lips were so fucking soft, and it was good, and he wasn’t as confused as he maybe should be. 

It wasn’t that different from the girls he'd kissed. Makki was taller than most girls, but it was easy to pull him to his lap anyhow. Not straddling, just sitting there. It was a fucking good kiss, and Takahiro’s thighs were very soft, too. Some people cheered, but frankly he couldn’t care less, too distracted by the nails softly scratching his neck. Kissing was really good and in his hazy mind it only made him happier. 

And even though he wouldn't remember it come morning, he and Makki made out for the rest of the party. It was just kissing, anyway. Nothing special. 

\--

Mattsun had the perfect setup for a nice and quiet evening. Sitting on his couch with gym pants and a blank tshirt, his dog next to him and surprisingly quiet while watching the stupid news with him. However, in the middle of his comfortable doing nothing, his cellphone beeped with a new text. It was almost like Schrodinger’s text - until he looked at it it was both a important message from work and (lately) a selfie from Oikawa. He could let the charade go for longer, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He turned to his dog, and spoke softly.

”I bet it’s from the group.”

And it was, but not from whom he was expecting. It was from Takahiro, drunkenly (even if only judging by the misspellings) writing about how he was completely smashed and needed company. To which Kyoutani pointed out that none of them besides Oikawa and Matsukawa lived in Tokyo . 

Mattsun was a bit worried, to be honest. Makki didn't seem to be doing so well, and part of Issei knew he didn’t have a fucking say in it, that it was completely hypocritical that he would think the other should stop drinking, but fuck. It was dangerous to leave him alone somewhere and on the far side of sobriety. So he texted back, asking where Hanamaki was, and got the name of a club as an answer. A quick check on Google and a change clothes later he was off, much to his poor dog’s disappointment, but Shrek was probably used to that by now anyway. He took his car - one of the pros of not drinking was that he could always drive - which would be helpful to get Makki home. He wondered what might have happened so his friend. It felt wrong to call him that, not because Issei didn’t want to, but because Takahiro obviously felt he didn’t deserve to use the title. 

The place he was sent to was a bar, and it was quite full of people at the moment. He looked around a bit, trying to find Takahiro, but failed miserably until a loud voice came from the bar and he turned to see Tooru waving at him. How in hell had Shittykawa arrived there before he did? Anyway, that was good, at least Takahiro was not completely alone. He approached the duo, and Oikawa shouted (unnecessarily) at him with a smile.

“Mattsun, come over! We are having a great time.”

“Oh, the irony. Of fucking course fucking Mattsun would be the one to show up.” Hanamaki’s drunk slur chimed in. 

Issei sat next to him despite the glare now being shot his direction, considering if he should ask or say anything. It didn’t seem right though, so he just kept his mouth shut. The bartender came over, but Issei didn’t ask for anything, he wouldn’t dare. He'd been clean for the past nine years, now it just wasn’t the time. Tooru got up then, looking at him and patting his back.

“I have practice in the morning. Take care of him, Mattsun, and don’t make Iwa-chan get even madder at you.”

“I won’t. I’ll drop him home safe and sound.” 

He would, he certainly was not about to let them down even more. And besides, tricking Takahiro would be just fucking unfair. Hanamaki grabbed Tooru’s arm before he walked away, though, speaking up again. 

“Don’t leave me with him, that’s just fucking cruel. He doesn’t even like me, Tooru.”

Issei sighed, and Tooru just patted Takahiro’s head.

“He does like you, perhaps just not how you wanted, but he does like you. He even came all the way here just because you drunkenly asked him to.” 

“Fuck off, Shittykawa.”

“I’m trying, but your sorry drunken ass loves me too fucking much.”

And he finally walked away, dramatic flair and all. Matsukawa sighed and turned to the man sitting next to him.

“Typical Oikawa.”

“Indeed. Comes over, grabs like two drinks with me and fucking throws me to the wolves.”

“What happened, Hanamaki? You don’t usually drink this much for no reason, I assume.”

He watched as the other downed yet another shot of whatever before turning to him. Some stupid part of himself registered that Makki still made the same face from when they were younger, slightly unfocused eyes reminding him of soft lips smashed to his. 

“Konoha dumped me, 'cause everyone seems to have found the loves of their lives in high school, and he couldn’t have been different, right? It’s just my fucking luck. Why do you care anyway?” 

“Because I’m not that much of an asshole? And because I consider you my friend.”

He felt sorry for Makki, he really did, but now wasn't time to dwell on it anyway.

“I’ll take you back to your place.”

“You don’t even know where I live.” Takahiro complained, but he moved when Issei pulled him. “You know where _Konoha_ lives.” 

“You can show me where you live today, then.” Matsukawa added, very matter of fact, while pressing money on the bar to pay for the drinks. He hoped it would be enough. If Takahiro had drunk more than that it would be fucking worrying. 

He helped his friend get outside, Hanamaki completely needing him in order to stay up on his feet. They both got into the car, Takahiro whining under his breath about basically everything, but agreeing to give him the address not that far from there. They could have gone walking, but Matsukawa didn't think they would make it, not with his friend like this. 

The building was very simple, so they would have to take the stairs. Halfway up Makki rested his back against the wall, pulling Matsukawa so they would be pressed against each other. He was muttering, but it was silent enough around them for Mattsun to listen to the words spoken along with a soft sob. 

“You can fuck me, you know? Just press me down and fuck me. I promise I won’t make much noise. I’m a good fuck at least, right? You never complained about it. No one has to know. I’m never anything more than a good fuck, might as well make use of it, right?”

Mattsun pushed away, and didn't even try to answer _that_. Makki was too drunk and almost falling down, no way in hell he would consider touching him like this, never in this state for sure. He carried his friend up the rest of the stairs and grabbed the keys in his pocket. The apartment was very very tiny, just one crowded room mainly. He took off his and Makki's shoes, then his tight ass jeans before dropping him on his futon. Makki was still awake as he tucked him in, but just barely. He had a smug grin in his drunk face.

“Hey, Mattsun?” He called. It was an almost pleasant surprise to hear that nickname coming from someone he thought would never speak it again, situation aside. 

“What, Makki?” 

“Stay with me for a while, please? I’m sort of tired of being alone. Let’s pretend we are still friends, just for a bit, okay?”

Mattsun did sit next to him on the bed, looking around. There were many books and some cactus laying around, it seemed this place had been Takahiro’s home for a long time. He found some children books on the nearest shelves full of Makki’s illustrations, along with some sketch books. He couldn't help but peak. There were many drawings of people, parts of their bodies and clothing - there were quite a few of Konoha and some of Iwa, also a lot from people Mattsun didn’t know. They were very good, but Makki had always been great at drawing. 

In the last page though, there was a drawing he wasn’t quite expecting to find. It was of one of _those_ photobooth pictures, one that had Makki sitting on his lap and both of them making funny faces. It had written on top of it: The kind of good memories you want to forget, but you just fucking can’t. Stupid teenagers. 

He looked at the smiling figure of his friend, and he just wished he could make those memories happy again. 

\--  
7.

Being able to be genuinely happy was such a weird thing for Makki. 

Like, there was meme happiness and that sort of stuff, but to become a complete smiling dork was such a new thing for him. And he was really glad for that, 'cause well, when he was a tiny gay teenager - well, not that tiny - he had envied so much the straight couples that were complete dorks. So yeah, he liked being a complete dork with Mattsun, even if his boyfriend was still very edgy about pda. Figures, what if not being entirely out, maybe afraid of backlash from society, but still they went on dates, which was great. 

Today they had decided to watch a screening of an old kaiju film they loved, and it had been amazing. He remembered watching that movie in his living room when he was growing up, and damn the adult experience might not be so exciting, but it was so funny. They had a great time eating popcorn and drinking weird soda, at least. 

After the end of the film, they walked around the shopping mall. There was a bunch of useless shit they wanted to buy, from stupid dog beanies to shirts with stoner prints, and Mattsun brushed his fingers against Makki’s skin as they sniggered about it all. Those little details went well with the bunch of selfies being taken for Makki was really having a blast. 

They were at the food court when Mattsun spotted something, then tugged at Makki’s sleeve.

"Let's take some pictures.”

There was a photobooth close to them. Takahiro smiled and nodded, still sucking the last of cotton candy milkshake out of his cup. 

They walked there, putting their change inside and going in. Issei first slouching like an asshole on the sit, to which Takahiro arched an eyebrow before just sitting on his lap - much like the first time they had kissed, if Makki would admit it.

“Really?”

“What? Afraid you gonna get a boner?”

They laughed together and started making funny faces at the camera. Makki had always wanted to do this shit. When it was done, both grabbed their copies, Matsukawa throwing his arm over Takahiro as he did so. 

“Dude, Makki, you sure like this shit.”

“I’m always a slut for dorky daty things.” He may have said it out loud for the meme, but it did bring some eyes to them anyway. It didn't keep him from smiling.

\--

He was a very good person. Such a freaking nice human being that when Matsukawa suddenly asked him if they could hang out he'd said yes. He should have just flipped him instead, or told him that no way in hell, but some part of Makki reminded him that Issei had helped that night, that he seemed like a pretty lonely person by the texts he sent on the group chat. So he'd just shrugged and agreed.

And that was how he had end up in a very famous art gallery in a Saturday afternoon. Takahiro was a bit impressed, he was not gonna lie. Issei was already there when he arrived, dressed in his blazer and nice clothes - so different from Hanamaki in his high waist jeans and cropped top that it was kinda funny. 

“Hey, Hanamaki.”

“Hey.”

They didn’t shake hands, or hug or anything, just nodded in greeting. Which was fucking awkward, but not Makki’s problem. They stood there for a couple of moments staring at each other, until he looked down and muttered, tensing up and trying not to show it.

“Awkward.” 

“So, let’s go inside. Have you seen the exposition already?” Matsukawa said as they headed into the hall. 

“Nah, I wanted to, but my friends were all busy. Besides, none of us are this fancy. You look like the kind of person who would even buy things from here.”

“I do have an impressive five digits in my account.” He joked when they entered the place, side by side.

“I do love myself a sugar daddy.” He joked, a smirk on his lips. “You would be good for that at least.” He added, trying to keep face by being mean, really mature.

Issei sighed loudly. As they walked around, Makki couldn’t keep himself from making stupid and bitchy comments at every damn art piece, even the ones he liked. 'Cause damn, those artists kept being so arrogant. It made Mattsun laugh so damn much. They had an actually good time, while the people around them seemed obviously displeased by their comments and sneering. Not that he could bring himself to stop, though. 

“Excuse me, sirs.” They heard a voice from behind them, and turned to see the security guard standing there.

Issei arched an eyebrow, and asked keeping a great façade- cause they both knew they were about to be kicked out, for gods sake.

“What is it, sir?”

“I must ask you to leave, you are disturbing the rest of the patrons.”

“Can I get a curator here first? I want to buy that piece of preposterous art over there.”

Makki had to use all his might not to laugh at the fact Mattsun was buying the piece he had described as _the artist just really fucking likes pink, he could fuck the color, he probably did, for all we know this painting could all be his spunk painted in pink_. Priceless. And well, in the end the left the gallery with the painting packaged under Mattsun’s arms and Takahiro cackling by his side.

“Well, that is a bit earlier than I expected to be leaving.”

“Well, now that we have pretended to be rich assholes - well I did, you are a rich asshole- , I really could go for some street ramen. What do you say?”He asked, actually smiling a bit. 

“Let me just drop my newest piece of art on the car and we can go. I suppose there is one noddle stand around here, right?”

“I suppose yes.” 

He accompanied Issei to his car, and there was this overall sense of familiarity as he showed some memes he had found and they laughed together. And Hanamaki didn’t like that, not that he didn’t like having an old friend back, but he couldn’t just let himself be dragged back to Issei’s life. He had to have some instinct of self preservation. He could let this night pass though, he could just have an actually nice time around the other for just today. A gift to the nineteen year old Takahiro. 

At the noddle stand they ate and talked and teased and laughed. They reminded of that one time Oikawa had to buy yakisoba’s for the whole team after they lost to Karasuno - it hadn’t been a great time, but it was a good memory nonetheless. 

“You know what Mattsun? I think I have to tell you the truth about that painting.”

“And what would that be?”

“The guy that painted it? I used to bang him, like two three years ago. And he painted inspired in my beautiful hair. He was all poetic and romantic about how it looked good and soft and how he wanted to run his fingers through it forever and ever. So you are theorically buying my second to last worst fuck of all times.”

Issei gave him a terrified look and touched his shoulder.

“Please, tell me the guy didn’t really used his cum to paint it.”

“Well. Not his. He used mine. Dude was a bit too creepy.”

They stared at each other for a couple of moments before bursting into laughter.They tried covering it with their hands, but it was hard. 

“You should have seen your face, Mattsun. You totally bought my shit story.” He teased, poking Issei’s cheek as he spoke.

“Well, it says a lot about your taste in men.”

“Yeah? What does it say about my taste in men?”

“You always go for guys that didn’t deserve you.” Matsukawa replied, eyes on Takahiro’s and completely serious. 

He looked away, suddenly the air was a bit thick. This shit was too serious for him, having the other say something like this was too much. Just too much. They were silent for a while, until Tooru sent a selfie and well, the will to make fun of their friend was something greater, so they took a selfie together. Eventually, it got late and they decided to go home. Makki walked Mattsun to his car. 

“Hey, Takahiro?” The other called as they were getting to the vehicle.

”Yeah, Issei?” 

“I’m sorry for being an asshole, you know? And I had a great time today, and I hope we can do things like this soon.”

This time, Takahiro replied.

“Perhaps I can find sometime in my busy schedule for you, sir. That depends on how good of a sugar daddy you are.”

It was good to see Issei smiling and pinching his nose bridge like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. 

“Well, I’m the best you can get. Perhaps eventually I’ll show you all my five digits.”

“I can take more.” 

They both snorted.

\--  
8.

Takahiro had adapted to college really well. He had a bunch of classmates he was close to, he was out to everyone, and no one who mattered really judged him. They knew him well enough by now, and when he started smiling even more and posting those pictures on Instagram with #bae they could tell it wasn’t ironic - well, it _was_ a little bit ironic, but it was also his dork side shining through. So they had been bombarding him with questions about who was this boyfriend (some of them had seen Mattsun, but no one really knew). At first he'd avoided telling too much, 'cause he knew Issei was still very much in the closet. Eventually, though, he got a bit anxious and started spilling more and more.

“I don’t know, Takahiro.” One of his friends said one day. “I think he’s too closeted for you.”

“We've known each other since we were in high school, it is the perfect romantic comedy!” 

His friend had sighed then, as if they didn’t quite believe what he was saying but were in no mood to argue. Takahiro laid next to his friend, smiling dumbly at the ceiling until after a while the silence was broken once more.

“I’m just scared you will get hurt, sorry if I worry too much.”

“It’s okay. I’m not exactly happy he is this closeted, but I see no reason to drag him out of it.”

“Agreed on that. Still, you and this ridiculous pink hair of yours deserve to be spoiled and paraded.” They laughed and poked at his side. “Let me see a picture of this stupid man that doesn’t use a _’ I’m Makki’s boyfriend’_ tshirt.”

“Your no social media rule is _so_ boring.” 

He grabbed his cellphone, pretending (poorly) he wasn’t delighted to show off his boyfriend. Makki handed them the cellphone with the gallery open, and there was a silence as his friend’s face became whiter than a sheet of paper, enough to be worrying.

“What is it?”

“This- This is the guy who was fucking my roommate when I came home Sunday, I told you about this. The guy she’s sure is gonna ask her to be his girlfriend.”

And he felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice on him. It _couldn’t_ be, though. They had been on a date just these days, he had let Mattsun fuck him for the first time less than a week ago. He felt himself shaking.

“No. It can’t be.”

“Matsukawa Issei, isn’t it?” His friend added, his voice softening. “I swear, Takahiro. This is the guy I saw on my living room on his ridiculous weed underwear.”

\--

Issei had texted him on Monday, saying a movie series they used to love was gonna have a new sequel the following week, so they should definitely have a marathon of all the previous ones. His choice of words he had made was not lost in Takahiro. _Some netflix and chill_. Outdated memes were his specialty and he knew this one by heart. Issei hadn’t made a mistake. 

So Makki was pretty sure he was a very stupid person.

Today was the day they had scheduled to do the marathon, and all he could think about was that he wanted to have sex with Issei. If he initiated anything Makki would go along, but on his terms. And his terms were plain and simple: he was not falling for the whole perfect couple bullshit again. He had learned that lesson when he was young, when he had been used. His friend had been telling him to be careful, seeing as he spent so much time with Mattsun those past two weeks, but only one had really got the situation. The same one who had shattered Makki's illusions all that time ago, that perceptive bastard.

They had told Makki not to be too vindictive, and he tried. There were a lot of moments he forgot about what had happened, moments in which it was just him and his friend being dorks. And he sort of hoped today would be one of those days.

Still, Hanamaki wanted to look nice. He had washed himself very thoroughly, then stood in his pseudo room, looking at the possible combinations his wardrobe had to offer. He loved being more stylish than most people, loved showing off his tattoos, and his ego loved the way Issei looked at him. However, he wasn’t about to overdresss for a motherfucking movie marathon, so he pulled on some gym pants that barely hang from his hips and a crop top. He hadn’t gotten a belly piercing for nothing, after all. He even took a selfie and sent to the group chat - ‘now /this/ is casual and nice, not those ridiculous shittyawa plaid caquis.’ 

He did it as a tease, a tease for Issei - very mature, he knew - and also for the compliments, teasing Oikawa was just a good excuse. He got everything he wanted - compliments from his once kouhai, Oikawa's whining and a simple wow from Issei. 

Makki stopped in front of his mirror one last time on his way out and spoke to his reflection:

“Don’t be too stupid, Takahiro, you don’t want to end up crying on your bed twice in less than two months, do you?”

_Not for him._

\--  
3.

Makki shouldn’t be so drunk, but again, he shouldn’t do a lot of things he did. He shouldn’t had left Issei smoke all that pot, or drink a whole bottle of vodka all by himself. 

Now they were dancing, well, they were supposed to be dancing, but basically what was going on was that Mattsun was grinding against his ass, like grinding so much it was barely appropriate. People were staring, and fuck, Takahiro should care about it, but he was just so drunk and it felt so good to have Issei this close, his hands pulling Makki closer. He could feel how hard his date was.

“Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”

He heard Mattsun chuckling behind him, before the other actually licked his neck. And it was a bit too much for him, he turned around and grabbed Matsukawa’s hand, dragging him to the bathroom and closing the door behind them. Issei looked at him, arching and eyebrow before Makki touched his obvious erection and whispered.

“Mind if I put my mouth where the money is?”

“I suck, Hiro.”

“I’m trying.”

He gave Issei a quick peck on the lips before dropping down to his knees, and opening the jeans, with a lot of excited. He felt Mattsun’s hands on his hair as he started sucking, trying to make the best of it. He looked up to Issei, trying to catch a reaction, only to find the man was looking to the ceiling. It was weird, but he supposed it was because he felt so damn good doing this that Mattsun couldn’t even look at him. 

It was not weird at all. 

\--

Shrek was being an asshole. A complete asshole.

They had been trying to watch the movies, but his dog kept insisting to climb on the sofa and then bark scared at every loud, dumb horror shit going on. Makki was not letting him hear the end of it, either. First, he hadn’t been able to contain the laughter when he saw the chihuahua. Second, he was wearing that fucking crop top that did things to Mattsun’s lower belly. And third? he was actually being the best company Issei could have hoped for. Different from Shrek, who was being _a fucking asshole_. 

So he grabbed the tiny dog and took it to the office, leaving him there with food and his bed. 

“Ooh, come on, Mattsun, don’t be grumpy. This dog is probably the only one who would actually get scared at that film.”

“Weird, 'cause I do remember the first time we watched it in high school, you grabbing my hand and closing your eyes on the scary parts.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” He teased, throwing popcorn at Issei, who managed by some unholy miracle grab it with his mouth.

They smiled to each other, before going back to the bad horror and it’s antics. Every once in a while, he would sneak a look at Takahiro, because come on. Perhaps some part of him was having flashbacks to college, to how good it felt to kiss Makki, and damn, he was screwed. Because he wasn’t drunk, and even then, man was he tempted to lean in and kiss or just touch him. It didn’t make a lot of sense in his head, but there it was. He turned back to the movie as main girl 2 and jock mchottie (the careful nicknames he and Takahiro had picked that described them perfectly) started having sex on the back of a car while the killer was out there.

“I can see the killer showing up like _surprise, bitch_.”

“You know what I like the most about this nonsensical sex scene?”

“The free slutshamming for all ages?”

Takahiro laughed and patted his shoulder.

“That. And the amazing moaning. Like, shit, I had never considered moanings could be this fake. Like holy shit so fake.”

And for some reason that the gods themselves could not identify, Makki decided to moan alongside the girl in the scene. And fuck, just fuck, it was so hot, but so hot. Even if it was completely ridiculous, and not at all realistic. Issei stared at him wide eyed, then slid closer and touched Makki’s shoulder and waist. That made his friend stop and just stare at him. There was fear in his expression, and confusion, but all he did was comment with a lot of sarcasm.

“You are not drunk, Mattsun, how you gonna excuse this?”

“I want you.”

And he leaned in, kissing Takahiro. It felt different, different from what he remembered, different from the girls he'd kissed, different from his ex wife. They were slow, but there was also some desperation as Makki’s hands grabbed Issei’s back, pulling him closer, not really giving space for him to try to move away. Not that he wanted it. They kissed for a long while, hands roaming each other’s bodies (that crop top was a blessing, really). Eventually he moved to suck and bite and mark the skin of Makki’s neck. He heard the soft gasps from the other’s mouth, and they were just fitting - even with the ridiculous background noise from a horror film. It was weirdly perfect. Takahiro was obviously not just standing there, his hands were inside Issei’s shirt caressing everything and pinching his nipples and fuck. 

He went back to kissing, not sure if he could get enough of this. They kept on kissing, slowly shifting until Makki was laying on his back and Issei’s hands had found their way inside the sweatpants his friend had been wearing, like Makki used to do when they played volleyball. The difference being he didn’t use to grab asscheeks when he did it back then. Mattsun smiled to himself thinking about silly things. It was good, so he couldn’t control it when he whispered in a fake sexy tone.

“Do he have the booty? He doo.”

Takahiro rolled his eyes and pushed Issei’s face.

“Tell me you got some lube so I can prep myself, Issei. Before I change my mind about this.”

Matsukawa considered going to the bedroom and grabbing those things, but he also considered that he couldn’t just leave Makki to do everything, he wanted this to be good, to be different. He didn’t want him to feel used anymore. 

“I do have it, but before I go grab it, allow me.”

He moved down a bit, kneeling on the couch and pushing both sweatpants and underwear off Hanamaki. He had never seen a dick that up close, and well, it was a different experience. Some part of him tried to remember all the times someone had given him a blowjob as he bowed closer and licked Makki’s member. There was a surprised gasp, and hands suddenly grabbed his hair as he got the head on his mouth, sucking it a bit. 

He had never done this before, but the noises coming from Takahiro were very hot and seemingly very enthusiastic. He didn’t buck in and Issei surely couldn’t take a lot of it in his mouth, but it worked. Eventually Makki pulled him away, speaking between ragged breaths. 

“If I come right now, I’m not coming later. I’m not nineteen anymore.”

Issei moved back a bit, smirking to himself. He got up and went to his room, sheding his clothes on the way, to grab lube and condom before coming back to Makki, who was laying on the couch naked from the waist down. It was sort of hot, and fuck, Makki had a tattoo _there_?

He went back to kneeling between Takahiro’s legs. He had never prepped anyone like this, but he had done it to himself once or twice so it couldn’t be that hard. He lubbed his fingers and warmed them, touching the side of Makki's waist and reaching up to kiss him while he inserted the first finger. He nuzzled Makki’s neck while pumping slowly, until he felt it was good enough to put another finger inside, scissoring him. Which finally earned him an audible noise from Makki, soft gasps and his voice very soft.

“Come, up a bit.”

And Issei obeyed, while curling his fingers enough to make Takahiro moan louder, maybe straddling the line of too much. Eventually he pressed another finger inside, making Makki moan some more, the sound vibrating against his lips as he lightly marked that pale neck. 

One Issei felt he was loosened enough, he removed the fingers and put on the condom. Takahiro turned around without a word, and Issei pressed slowly into him until he was panting against his friend’s neck. It was a hot, a lot like it used to be, but more. It wasn’t as intense or as fast as in the past, but fuck Issei was gonna come so fast, because it felt different and he hadn’t had sex in so long and it was Makki. It was Makki moaning beneath him and pushing back against him. 

He sneaked a hand around to make sure Hiro would come too, and it didn't take a whole lot more. Groans got louder and movements harder until he felt Makki coming first, tightening up around him. He came not too long after, then laid on top of his friend, just breathing and relaxing for a minute or so before getting up and taking off the condom to throw it out, grabbing some tissues on the way so Makki could clean himself up. 

“I’m sorry for the couch.” He heard Hanamaki saying, pointing to a stain on the couch. 

“Oh fuck, Makki.” He handed the paper tissues before dashing to grab a wet cloth to clean in it up, then got back to the the living room only to see Takahiro already dressed and on his feet, looking edgy. 

“I gotta go.” 

“What? So soon? You can stay over-”

“No, Issei. I’m not doing this to myself, not again. This was sex, and that’s all it will be.” There was determination in the way he spoke, not agressive, just like he wasn’t about to let Mattsun convince him of anything else. 

Makki was out of the door not half a minute later, before Issei could really think of something to say. He felt a lot like he had ten years ago, the last time Makki walked out of his place like this. And the worst was that he knew he had it coming.  
.

\--  
6.

There was something wrong.

Or well, there wasn’t something wrong per se, but he couldn’t stop freaking out. Mattsun knew he wasn’t gay, he liked girls, he liked dating them and kissing them. He really liked girls, and last night with Makki? It had been a bit too much. The whole cuddling thing. 

He had woken up with Takahiro sleeping on his chest. It was just too couple-like. So Issei had left before things got awkward, before Takahiro woke up or anything like that. 

And now he was walking back to his place, trying to find out what he should do. He couldn’t keep doing things like this, it was not doing him or Makki any good.

In the middle of the way, his cellphone beeped, and he tensed as he wondered if it was Takahiro. It wasn’t though, instead a girl from his Urban planning class. She was nice, knew her memes and shit. And she was flirting with him, a lot. He had been flirting back, nothing too obvious, just taking things slow and seeing where it would end up at. 

She was asking if he wanted to do anything, and Issei smirked. He appreciated a girl with attitude, and well, he may not believe much in anything, but this looked a bit like a sign. So he replied he was all free for her.

Finally, everything would go back to normal.

\--

He called her at 2:45 in the morning.

It was probably earlier for her, but it still felt weird, and it took a while until Misaki answered. 

“Issei? Is there something wrong? It must be like three in the morning there.”

“Misaki, you know I loved you, right? You know it was real.”

“...Yeah, I do. Why all this?”

He took a deep breath and a sip of the tea he had made for himself. He felt sort of pathetic with all this, but what could he really do? He needed to talk to someone, and Shrek was not about to give him answers. 

“Remember Makki? I think I’ve mentioned him to you once or twice? My best friend from high school, that stopped talking to me after I was an asshole to him?”

“Yeah, the one from those photobooth pictures, right?” 

“Him.” He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. Was it even a good idea to talk to her about this? Yes, they were divorced, but it could still be awkward. Well, if he backed out now he would feel even more like a coward. “We sort of started hanging around again and today he was here and long story short we had sex.”

“Oh... If that made you happy, that’s great.”

“It made me happy, but we got history, bad history. And after the sex, he just left and well, I’m fucked.”

“Why are you fucked?”

“'Cause I _like_ him, but I also _liked_ you and it’s confusing, and shit, even if I figure myself out I just don’t think Makki will ever want me.”

He heard Misaki sighing in the other side, could picture her expression, and Issei wouldn’t lie, that expression wasn’t one he was very fond off. It usually made him feel stupid.

“Issei, have you considered that you may just like both men and women?” 

He frowned. No, he hadn’t actuakly. Because he had always been sure he liked women, there had never been a doubt on that, so why would he like men? However, now that that was being mentioned - now that is suddenly became an option - all he could think was that it was probably true? Was it that obvious? Damn, he felt so stupid and childish. 

“That- I-"

“It's called being bisexual, honey. Try saying it to yourself, maybe that will help?”

He did get up and go to his bathroom to see himself at the mirror, to look in the eyes of the fucking mess he was at the moment. Issei took a deep breath, trying to remember to be an adult. Damn, he hadn’t thought that much about his sexuality, had been fixated on just repeating he wasn’t gay, because he couldn’t be gay. But he was older now, perhaps he understood things a bit better, and _would_ deal better. 

“I’m... bisexual, I guess?”

“Come on, Issei, more determination.” She almost seemed amused now, which he couldn't deny was probably fair enough.

“I’m bisexual.” 

And it did feel good? Like- like he finally _fit_ or something. It was weird, and along with it came one more rush of guilt. He had fucked up a lot back then, trying to prove things that now he finally - very belatedly - saw he shouldn't have to. Fuck.

Issei took a deep breath. He almost felt too old for this kind of thing, but he wanted to feel like he belonged, wanted to be able to tell Makki that he really wasn’t straight after all, that he definitely didn’t want to be the straight guy who had sex with his friend. He didn’t want that.

“Fuck, Misaki, I’m not straight.”

“I’m proud of you for realizing that. Now, go get Hanamaki. I got to leave right now, 'cause _I_ have a date too.”

It was maybe weird for them to be talking about these things so naturally, and Issei took a moment to be grateful that things hadn't become awkward after the divorce, that she was still his friend. Then he took another deep breath. Now he had to settle into this new little (huge) bit of self knowledge and fix this damn mess he had buried himself into. 

\--  
9.

It had been a long day at college, Issei just really wanted to drop down on his bed and pass out. He had considered going to Makki’s and having a nice night watching series and talking shit, but he had decided tomorrow he'd take the girl he had been seeing to have a nice breakfast. So his friend would have to wait. When he got to his apartment though, his roommate was standing by the door, clearly uncomfortable.

“What happened?”

“You should check your room, dude. Like, seriously should.”

He frowned, and was about to ask what he meant when his roommate just bailed down the hallway, in a very ‘fuck this shit I’m out' way. Well, it seemed he didn’t have much of a choice, so he went into his room, only to find Takahiro pacing like a trapped animal. Issei frowned, not sure of what to say. As soon as Makki saw him, instead of smiling and saying hi, he stalked closer, whole body tense.

“Why, Mattsun? Why?”

He wasn’t sure what he had done, but it must have been big. So he didn’t reply, just arched an eyebrow waiting for more.

“Why did you cheat on me?! Like, I expected you to dump me or something like that, but come on! To know you are going out with someone else?!”

Issei frowned harder, 'cause this was not making one lick of sense. He knew Makki would be mad at him for not telling about this girl sooner, but cheating? What the actual fuck. 

“I’m not _cheating_ , Makki.”

“Yeah? So what do you call it when you are dating two people that don’t know about each other at the same time?” 

He was furious, now backing Issei against the wall. It was so weird to see Takahiro losing his calm like this, he never got this angry at anything. Not to this point. 

“What the fuck? We never _dated_ , Makki.”

And something changed on his friend’s expression then. He stepped back, stiff and blanck, but seeming so hurt anyway. Thinking back, Issei should have predicted that Makki would interpret things in a different way, considering he was gay. Fuck. He should have made sure things were clear.

“We weren’t dating? What the fuck, Issei?”

“I’m not gay, Makki.”

“So I was what? Just a convenient hole for you to fuck into? A cock sleeve until you got a nice girl?”

Issei couldn’t muster a reply, the words felt like a slap. He had never meant to hurt Makki like this, he cared about him, just not like this. And suddenly his cheek was stinging after a slap. Makki's words were choked, his eyes shining. 

“I thought you were my friend.”

And he stormed off without saying another world.

\--

Two days passed before he got the courage to knock on Makki’s door, and he truly hoped the other was home, or else this would be kind of pathetic. He knew Takahiro was busy, that he had friends and a life that Issei wasn’t a part of, but still he hoped.

It didn’t take long for the door to open and a very tired looking Hanamaki to appear. He arched an eyebrow.

“Hey there, Matsukawa. This is def a surprise.”

He was sort of surprised at how Makki seemed so chill about it.Well, not everyone gone through life changing revelations the past few days.

“Hey, can I come in?”

“Yeah? Is there something you need to talk to me about?”

He entered the room, leaving the door open so Issei could follow him inside. The place was messier than the last time he had been there, lots of watercolor drawings throw all about, so he was probably working. 

“Yes, there actually is. After we last saw each other, I thought about a lot of things.”

Hanamaki seemed mildly interested in it, but also somewhat suspicious. 

“You did?”

“Yeah. And well, where do I even start? I guess, first I have to say that when we had sex and you left right afterwards, I was surprised by how hurt I was. Not that I had any right to be hurt, but I was.”

“Hum.” Hanamaki now had his arms crossed over his chest, not looking very convinced.

“I’m bi, Makki.”

Hanamaki kept on staring at him, then nodded.

“Well, it’s good that you discovered that about yourself, but I don’t see how that’s relevant to me.”

Issei sighed and looked back at him, scratching the back of his head. He'd maybe imagined a warmer reception, but he couldn’t exactly blame Makki. He had been a complete asshole about it before.

“I realized in this burst of truth that I _like_ you, Takahiro.”

“Like? My god that’s so teenager of you, Issei.” Makki scoffed, seeming mildly amused by everything.

“Well, that’s the truth.”

“Pardon me if I’m not jumping on your arms, but the last time we had anything similar to a relationship, I ended up getting cheated on and used.” 

“I _know_. I know I have no fucking right to ask anything of you, but I want a chance. I like you, Makki. Fuck, I've probably liked you since forever, but I was an oblivious asshole. Gimme one night, just one night.” He tried going for the desperate cheesy shit, hoping it would help, because he damn knew he didn’t have that much of a chance overall.

Takahiro rolled his eyes and took a deep breath before shaking his head in what seemed like defeat.

“Okay. You get _one_ date. If you fuck up, I’m not speaking to you ever again, got it?”

Matsukawa actually smiled, and then suddenly hugged his friend.

“Got it. You won't ever regret this.”

“I hope so.”

\--

4.

“This is so dumb.” Iwaizumi complained one more as the four of them walked around the center of Tokyo. 

“So leave, Iwa-chan. No one is forcing you.” Oikawa whined back, a bit irritated by now.

They had decided to all gather together and do something memorable, to celebrate their friendship and stuff. It was basically a double date - though they hadn't even mentioned that word, because Oikawa was still very much paranoid (not like Hanamaki could say much, with Issei and his closet business). 

Iwaizumi kept giving him knowing looks throughout the whole walk. He had seen them kissing some time ago and Makki had told him about how he felt. He had admitedly felt very insecure about them in the begining, but now he and Mattsun kept going on dates and stuff, so it was really going better than he had hoped. 

“So we are sticking to our plan, right?” Issei asked with a smile, looking over the pictures in his phone.

“Yep dep.” 

They were getting the numbers of their old volleyball jerseys from Seijou on their ankles, something simple enough so they could hide it, when some of them got decent and ordinary jobs. Deciding for tattoos had been somewhat on impulse, having Makki babbled so much about how he loved the ones he'd already got. Also, the artist was a friend from college, so it wouldn't even be so expensive.

“Are you guys ready? It’s gonna hurt a lot.” Takahiro teased, poking Issei’s cheek. “None of you were ever able to handle pain.”

Tooru rolled his eyes and Iwaizumi crossed his arms. 

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Makki. We can take pain just fine.” 

They couldn’t, but Takahiro was not gonna be the one making them admit that, he was just gonna watch and put the proof on snapchat. It felt good doing things all of them together though, despite how much he teased. 

And perhaps in the end they didn’t take the pain, but what really mattered wasn’t the hilarious pictures he took of them, what mattered was that they were always going to be friends. And if they weren’t, at least they would have ridiculous tattoos to remind themselves of that.

\--

Issei didn’t know what to do. He had already spent all of his ideas before he'd even had an actual date with Makki, do he basically had had to ask _Oikawa_ for advice. Hajime hadn’t been open to help him, he'd been quite explicit that he wasn’t exactly happy with this instead, and Issei wasn’t about to blame him. If things were different, he perhaps wouldn’t have supported Makki’s choice of going out with someone that had already made him suffer once. However, there was a bigger part of him that wanted a chance to prove they could do this, that he had become a better person. That he could love Makki as much as he deserved. 

In the end, he took Makki to a fancy restaurant, the kind to which his work colleagues took their wives on anniversaries. He could tell Makki was slightly overwhelmed by it all, so Matsukawa tried his best to make him happy and make sure to show he was proud of their time together. It was a new experience for him, to have people giving them looks and not being nice or polite. It was sort of shocking, and he hated to think people had to go through that every single day. It made him more determined to go through with this, though, specially because even if people were assholes it was really nice to have a date with Takahiro. They knew each other too well for it to be awkward, so all that was left was talking and making references and flirting (which was definitely much better without the shroud of ‘no homo').

He loved seeing Makki smile, and gosh he smiled so much in their date. Not his dry and sarcastic smiles, just genuinely happy Takahiro, and that did things to Issei. It was so weird that just by admitting that he was in love every little thing around him became even more perfect. He was such a sap, having Tooru back as a friend had done that to him. 

Eventually they had eaten and, as if fortune decided to be on his time, Hanamaki asked if he wanted to come over to his place. Which Issei very much did, because he was a weak, weak man and could never deny such an offer. 

The apartment was incredibly tidy, and he sat on a bench near the counter, just looking as Makki took off his coat.

“You know what, Issei?”

“Do say, Makki.” He replied, smiling dumbly as he had for hours now.

“I had a great time.” Makki stood in front of him and pointed his finger straight at his face. “If you hurt me again, I’m gonna fucking deck you, understood?”

He nodded, before taking Takahiro’s hand and kissing it tenderly. 

“I promise I won’t do it, never again.”

For that he got yet another sincere smile, and then the sofest kiss. He traced Makki's pretty face with his thumbs. He felt kind of dumb to break the moment, but in the interest of communication he found it best to inform Makki of his thoughts.

“Is it okay if we don’t have sex? I know I came over and everything, but we always based our relationships in sex and I want some romance, I suppose. Not that I don’t find you hot and stuff, it's just- Can we take this slow?”

Makki just blinked at him for a couple seconds before nodding.

“I do like that idea.” And obviously then his smile turned into a bit of a smirk. “So, are we waiting until marriage, Issei? Never took you for the kind to wear a promise ring.”

He rolled his eyes and pushed Makki slightly. He liked this idiot so much, and well, perhaps he was a bit upset he hadn’t thought about that joke first. Hanamaki stepped back from where he was standing then, and offered his hand.

“We are not having sex, but I suppose we can still make out?” 

“Sure we can, Makki.” 

Issei stood up as well to press against him and earnestly take his lips, just enjoying this kiss and enjoying he had Takahiro with him. They kissed for a while before he managed to push Makki to sit on his futon, and then straddled him. He ran his fingers through the short pink hair, marveling how could he never have done this before. Makki's lap felt like a good place to be, even if he did feel a little vulnerable. Takahiro’s hands were on his waist, his thumbs rubbing circles on the skin, distracting and delightful. 

Just touching each other like this, with such intimacy and comfort, was so good, calming even. Issei was getting really emotional over all this, which was sort of ridiculous, but anyhow when they parted for some moments he took the time to just stare at Hanamaki in awe. 'Cause he looked so beautiful like this, red lips and soft eyes. 

“I’m really happy to have you back, Takahiro.”

They rested foreheads together, and both were smiling, eyes shining like one would expect of sappy idiots like them.

“I’m happy to have you back too, Issei.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey there, folks! We hope you've all enjoyed this fic, we did write it with love. Now, some important notes:  
> First, don't anyone ever say we preach bisexuals naturally cheat. That would not only be ridiculous but hypocritical.  
> Second, we wouldn't really side with Makki on his decision to give Mattsun a second chance if we were his friends, but alas, we are mean omniscient authors.  
> Third, if that wasn't clear enough, Mattsun goes not only through internalized homophobia, but also internalized biphobia (that not always walk hand in hand).  
> Fourth, I don't know if any of ya found his reasoning surreal, but I (jana) can shamefully confirm it does happen (jawn has more honor and self awareness than that, bless him)  
> Last but not least, many many kisses!  
> -jana(and Jawwn)


End file.
